For a complete script, see: "With Friends Like Steve's" on the Transcripts Wiki

Barry: Thanks for driving me home, Mr. Smith. We're going faster than people.
Stan: Quiet, fatty fat-fat fatty!

Stan: Careful, Steve! He's as mad as he is fat.

Evil Barry: I know you've seen The Princess Bride.
Steve: You're stalling.
Evil Barry: And I knew you were going to say that. I know you're a handful at boy-girl parties, your name backwards is "Nevets," and your aim at the urinal is, shall we say, less than accurate?
Steve: Are you gonna choose a glass?

Steve: Hey, that's my dad's Tara Reid collector's plate. You can't touch that. You know how much that'll be worth in a few months when she's dead?

Stan: So, Barry, want to wind down by watching the best movie ever, Red Dawn?
Barry: I'm Barry!

Francine: Are you still moping about Steve? Come on. He's just going through a phase. It's like Steve is America and you're Arrested Development. It doesn't mean you're bad, it just means he's not interested in you.

Hayley: Well, I'm off to petition my college for an Eskimo studies program.
Roger: What?! They don't have one? I'm sorry, Stan, I'd love to help you, but the Eskimos, their plight, that's the real stuff here.
Hayley: You care about the Eskimos?
Roger: Yeah, yeah, I love their pies. Keep going. Walk, walk, walk, walk, walk.

Barry: Oh, time to take my vitamin. May I have a glass of water?
Stan: Fatty can use the garden hose!

Evil Barry: You're not in any position to be calling the shots, Steve. I'm the one holding the gun.
Steve: Sure, you could kill me with your gun, but are you willing to try something much more elaborate and unnecessary?

Hayley & Friends: Beer breath and bloodshot eyes are not things to subsidize!

Stan: Your voice!
Barry: Soothing, isn't it? Sweet and terrible like Madman's Lullaby.

Roger: Tired of getting spanked by dudes anyway.

Stan: Man, I'm getting hungry. Hey, let's go dig up your mother so she can make us breakfast.

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