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Stan: Kid's got his mother's ass. Lucky son of a gun.

[Stan and Francine are talking when Steve and Snot walk in shirtless]
Stan: Ugh. Those kids love being topless.
Francine: That patch of hair in the small of Snot's back makes me sick.

Stan: You like ice cream?
Snot: I do like ice cream. Unfortunately, it does not like me. It gives me the... [He makes a farting sound with his mouth]
Stan: You'll power through.

Pizza-sloppy-joe
[Steve looks at photos of him and Snot]
Steve: Oh, Snot. You were wearing your bathing suit as underwear that day. [puts it back in the envelope]
Stan: Oh, is that a letter for Snot? I'll mail it for you.
Steve: [hands Stan the letter] Thanks. This is my fifth letter to him. I hope this time he writes me back.
Stan: Doubt it. Snot's probably moved on with his life and I think it's time you did too. [hands him a net] Here, I signed you up for lacrosse.
Steve: Dad, I am not a physical boy.
Stan: Well, now that Snot's not here to drag you down, you can do anything. Let's see what you can do with that lacrosse stick.
[Steve puts it on his head]
Stan: What are you doing?
Steve: Playing lunch lady. Pizza or sloppy joe?
Stan: [sighs] I am pissed off because you're doing that and now I want a sloppy joe and I know you don't really have one.

Steve: What the hell?!
Hayley: What's wrong?
Steve: Dad never mailed these letters I wrote to Snot!
Hayley: Wait. And you said Snot just up and left town one night?
Steve: Yeah.
Hayley: [sighs] Come with me. [She takes Steve to her room and pulls out a bunch of letters from her dresser drawer] Here are letters I wrote that I found in Dad's desk. See, in high school I went on a couple of dates with a black guy.
Steve: [winces] Oh!

Stan: What a coincidence! I didn't know this was your hang.
Steve: Dad, you dropped me off here ten minutes ago.

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