Francine: Oh, Stan, I'm so sorry! Now I know how you felt seeing all those rose bushes 'cause the thought of you being with someone else was driving me crazy! But in my heart, I knew it. I knew you wouldn't have sex with her!
Stan: Oh, no, I had sex with her.
Stan: Yeah, she's my wife. It was my honeymoon night. Anyway, you were right. Now I know what you meant about it being just sex. All those guys you slept with before me meant nothing... like the sex I just had with Joanna.
Francine: You... had sex with her?
Stan: Five times! I wanted to make sure it was consistently meaningless, and it was. The scratch marks on my back will forever be a tribute to my love for you.
Roger: Okay, you're free to go. Spread your legs and fly. You are some of the best hoes I've ever had. It's true, it's true. Look at me, look at me. You are! Daniella, I was tougher on you than all the rest, but that's because I believed in you. And now look, you have become one of the skankiest ho's I have ever had the privilege to throw out of a moving car. Now go. Go!
Steve: Your growling can intrigues me.
Francine: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON??!!
Roger: Frannie, bar whores. Bar whores, Frannie.
Snot: Steve, it's Thursday night. You know what that means: time to tease some pedophiles on the internet!
Barry: There's an insurance salesman in Ohio who wants to fly me to Disneyland!
Joanna: That's a good-lookin' Glock. Your wife give you that Glock?
Stan: I'm recently divorced. You?
Joanna: No, I'm married to my work.
Stan: Law enforcement? Mercenary?
Joanna: No, the complete opposite.
Stan: Couch upholsterer?
Stan: You run a bingo parlor?
Roger: All right, that's it! Can't a guy sit in a closet and get drunk with Francine's shoes without being barraged by filth? I don't need to know what goes on in your bedroom!
Stan: Francine, it's no use. It's not gonna happen tonight.
Francine: Don't worry, there are ways to treat it. Meditation, Cialis, ginkgo biloba...you know, for your memory. Because you forgot how to get a boner.
Stan: Hey, I'm not the problem, you're the problem. I've never slept with anyone except you. But you...you have a sex garden that was on the cover of Sex Garden magazine.
Francine: Oh, is that what this is about: my past? Stan, that was just sex. Sex without love is meaningless.
Stan: Francine, I'm listening to you talk, I'm looking in your eyes, but all I can see is you taking more poundings than Omaha Beach before the ground assault began.