American Dad Wikia
Roger: [At the cancer hospital ward] You're all going to die. Your parents and your doctors are lying to you.

Roger: Out of TP in there, Bonkers, so I had to use the corner of your Ferrari poster. Man, that Lorraine is a cold bitch. Grinning after you told her her bird was de... You didn't tell her, did you?

Roger: Wheels, may I speak with you? Papa Wheelie, why don't you go fill out your HR forms. Teddy Bonkers will help you.
Stan: Th...the teddy bear?
Roger: Teddy bear?! His name is Theodore Bonkers. He's not the smartest guy, but he tries harder than anyone I've ever met. I've met Ed Burns. Go talk to him.
Steve: Just go with it.
[Stan rides his bike like a unicycle to read the clipboard and gets out a pen]
Roger: What the hell, Wheels?!
Steve: He was so excited. I...I couldn't let him down.
Stan: Uh, it says "List previous work experience or draw a picture of a cowboy." I can't draw a cowboy. Is a pirate acceptable?
Roger: Yes.

Roger: Listen, Wheels, the grandfather may have left a clue in this piano.
Steve: Why is that, Legman?
Roger: 'Cause it's out of key.
[Steve and Roger laugh]
Steve: A clue would have been grand.
[Steve and Roger laugh]
[Stan comes out of nowhere riding his bicycle]
Stan: In the sand.
Roger: You made me stop laughing!

Klaus: The walls of my anus are cuter than that panda. Take my picture.

Francine: Well, Klaus, I guess Roger's ass is cuter than you... dick.

Roger: Ba-Ba-Ba-Brawny!

Stan: I get that joke. Because cocaine comes in keys.
Steve: The Legman doesn't joke about cocaine.
Roger: Cocaine is not a joking matter.

Dane Cook: I'm telling you, a girl's friends get in her ear, it is over. They're all, "make him take you to a restaurant, make him buy you sandals."
Steve: I don't care what every single person on earth says... you're hilarious!

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