For a complete script, see: "The Vacation Goo" on the Transcripts Wiki


Hayley: You undressed me?!
Steve: No, Toshi did.
Toshi: [in Japanese] I wasn't gentle.

Francine: All I want is to have dinner once in a while and spend some real time together, but you know what? I'm done. Done. And you know why? Because you are an ass family. If someone who's living in this house, I say the Asses, and I might be right!

Francine: Let me get this straight, all of our vacations, the only thing that bought us have been a big fat fake lie?
Stan: YES! Yes to you and yes to the game.

Francine: [when she is rescued] You know, while I was out there I made a promise to God, I said if he saved me, I dedicate my life to him. Obviously I'm not going to do that. I'm starved! Did you bring any food?

Stan: Kids, you want to play "20 Questions" until we die? I'm thinking of a person.
Steve: Ronald Reagan?
Stan: Damn!

Hayley: We haven't eaten in four days. Damn it, Mom! Why couldn't you have jumped off the boat after dinner?!

Francine: Stan, we are going on a real vacation and this family is going to bond!
Steve: We could go skiing!
Stan: Or, here's an alternate pitch. Uh, stay here, watch the Duke game...just hear me out, I order boneless wings from KFC....hang on to that thought, Hayley, I take a long bath and then, wait for it... none of you are here!
Francine: Or... just hear me out...we stay home and for the rest of our lives together, every time you doze off, I'll slam a book on your testicles.
Stan: Did someone say skiing?!
Steve: Yes. I did.

Klaus: There's an old German saying: "don't blame the fish." There are other sayings, but they, um, mostly involve genocide.

Becky: Hi, I'm Becky, cruise activities director.
Steve: I'm Steve. I have five friends on MySpace and I'm waiting on approval from a sixth.
Becky: You're cute.
Steve: Oh, in a harmless little brother kind of way, right?
Becky: Chuckle...no. In an 'I've taken a lot of boys' virginity' kind of way.

Steve: Becky, thanks for getting us this lifeboat. I mean, lifeboobs. Wait... no, no, I was right.

Roger: Oh Franny, it's so awful the way they treat you.
Francine: I'm just trying to do something nice for...
Roger: Damn it! I still can't cry on cue, I'm going to work on it. What, no dinner? You're a terrible wife and mother!

Steve: Dad, can we go to Graceland?
Stan: Steve, if you want to pay your respects to a fat man who died on the toilet, we can visit your Aunt Mary's grave.

Francine: You’re just gonna put me in the goo.
Stan: No we’re not. Honey look I’m returning the goo chambers to CIA. [Stan talking to goo chamber movers] Ma’am don’t get any of that goo on ya it’ll rot out your womb.
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