The Vacation Goo
Francine realizes all of the past family vacations have been staged, so she requests a real one with the family.
Season: 3 Episode: 1
Total Episode Count: 43
Prod. no.: 2AJN22
First Aired: September 30, 2007
Guest Starring: Elizabeth Banks
Featuring: Francine Smith, Stan Smith, Steve Smith, Hayley Smith
Also Appearing: Roger, Klaus, Barry, Snot, Toshi, Jeff Fischer, Parker, Melissa, Mrs. Helen Washburn, Mr. Aids, Becky Arangino, Eddie, Señor Hildago
Musical Numbers: Xanadu
Director: Albert Calleros
Assistant Director: Tim Parsons
Writers: Josh Bycel, Jonathan Fener
Storyboarders: Aldin Baroza, Josue Cervantes, Paul Lee
Newspaper Headline: Al Gore honors Carlos Mencia for recycling jokes
Plot: Francine is upset that she cannot get the family to sit together for dinner on Sundays as a new family tradition, so Stan tries to cheer her up by having the family go on vacation. The Smiths then go to Maui, and have a great time, until their vacation is suddenly interrupted by Roger's giant head appearing. A moment later the scene fades away, and Francine, Steve and Hayley find themselves stripped to their underwear and floating in three tubes filled with a strange green liquid, with Roger interrupting their visions to ask to barrow some earrings. Roger explains to the confused family that every year for their family vacation, Stan merely puts them in "the goo," which is a CIA device that implants false memories. Meanwhile, Stan does other things, like watching football, without his family. Francine and the others demand that Stan stop, and that they take an actual vacation as a family. They decide to go skiing. They go to the mountains and soon have a great time, bonding together as a family...until suddenly Klaus interrupts their reverie, he needs to plug in the Atari arcade game he "got off E-Bay". Francine, Hayley and Stan wake up to discover that Steve put them in the goo while he throws a dinner party for his friends. Feeling that the men can't be trusted, Francine and Hayley decide to plan a vacation to Italy, which of course ends with Hayley putting the others in the goo, while she and Jeff try to figure out how to put together a sex swing.
Francine breaks down at this point, crying that she only wanted the family to spend some time together, and retreats to her room weeping. The rest of the family attempt to make it up to her by sending the goo chambers back to the CIA, and booking a family cruise. When the family gets on the ship, Francine has a great time bonding and doing the cruise activities, while the rest of the family is annoyed by all the family time. Steve manages to have a better time, however, by meeting a girl named Becky, a member of the ship's staff who is attracted to younger boys.
Meanwhile, at home, Roger has dressed as a woman and gotten a part in a small show, and when he acts like his usual self he angers the crew and quits, but he is unable to get another acting gig and becomes "washed up," and gets a job working as entertainment for the same cruise ship the others are on.
When Francine sees the family acting so happy, sees Steve with a beautiful woman and Roger working on the ship, she becomes convinced that they are in the goo again, believing everything is too good to be true. Despite the family's protests, Francine makes a scene during the cruise dinner and, expecting to merely wake up in the tank any minute, dives overboard into the ocean. The rest of the Smiths, plus Becky, get into a life boat and rescue her, but are then lost at sea. They eventually wash up on an island, and find a house on the beach. That house, however, turns out to be inhabited by a group of men with guns who plan to hunt them down for sport. After spending the next few days on the run from the hunters, they hide in a cave; Becky, however, pulls a leaf near the entrance of the cave, intending to collect rainwater for them to drink. This causes a cave-in, crushing her to death and trapping the Smiths inside. The Smiths have not eaten in several days, and the closest thing they have to food is Becky's corpse.
Francine opts for cannibalism, arguing that it's the only way to survive; the family eventually joins her (with Stan only doing so after he reads her driver's license and discovers she was an organ donor anyway). After eating her, Francine comments (to the incredibly traumatized group) that at least they had a nice meal together as a family, as she wanted. Moments later the hunters burst in and shoot them all...with paint balls. It turns out the island was a stop on the cruise, and the hunt was only a game. The hunters lead them back to the beach, where all the cruisers are with a giant buffet. The Smiths are horrified that they resorted to cannibalism for nothing, now having to keep an incredibly dark secret. Nevertheless, they decide to plan another vacation the following year. When the time arrives, they are happily floating in a hot-air balloon over a vast canyon, and hold a toast "to the goo"--it is then revealed that they are using the goo tanks once again, this time as a family.
Meanwhile, Roger gets kicked off the ship when it stops in Puerto Rico for stealing silverware. He winds up getting a job as a stripper, which nearly winds up being prostitution when the club's owner attempts to pimp him. Roger begins to cry, realizing how he had fallen from "stardom" to this, and the john takes pity on him and gives him money to return home to start his life anew. Roger then finally cries "on cue," happy that, despite what he's been through, he is a good actor after all. Before he leaves, however, Roger decides to go back to the club for a drink.