- Snot: Once again, we're being socially rewarded thanks to my Kermit the Frog voice.
- Barry: [imitating Fozzie Bear] Wocka, wocka, wocka.
- Steve: Seriously, guys. Shut the fuck up.
- Steve: It'll be for kids like us. The dorks, the nerds, and the kids who are both stupid and unattractive.
- Snot: Aren't those dorks?
- Barry: No, dorks are often quite good-looking.
- Barry: If you're from the future, who wins the World Series next year?
- Future Steve: Rene Russo. Buckle up. It's a crazy season.
- Future Steve: Here's the secret to life. If you're an awkward outsider as a kid, you end up being a rich, cool and very successful adult.
- Future Snot: But a few days ago, we had a couple failures in the lab, and that was weird.
- Future Steve: And when I got a memory of getting a blowjob in high school, we knew something was very wrong.
- Steve: Oh, no. That's so bad.
- Future Steve: Oh it is. I've had sex four times with three different women.
- Steve Smith: You hear that, Snot? Someone came back for seconds. [Notices Snot isn't here] Snot? He went down to the party! He's gonna ruin everything! [Goes down to get Snot, but Future Steve grabs his arm]
- Future Steve: Okay, go get him, but don't talk to anyone. Don't do anything memorable. Just make your usual zero impact on people. Your future depends on it.
- Future Steve: And Barry, old friend, you died young in a Formula One accident.
- Barry: Did a wheel hop the grandstand and take my head off because I was looking the other way because of nachos?
- Future Snot: No, you were a super famous driver.
- Barry: Oh.
- Future Snot: In fact, during your final Grand Prix you got blinded by the amount of tits being flashed in your face.
- Future Steve: But you kept your foot on the gas, Barry. That was your way. No one had ever seen a blind guy drive so straight. If only it had been a straight course.
- Steve: Sorry, ripped future me. Even though you're super awesome, I gotta do this for my best friend. [He walks over and rubs his future self's abs] I guess I'm saying goodbye to these.
- Future Steve: No matter what your future, you can still commit yourself to regular exercise...
- Steve: I said goodbye.
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