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in: Episodes, Season 12

The Long Bomb/Quotes

< The Long Bomb
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Stan: [Imitating Steve] Hey mom, where's the applesauce? [Imitating Francine] In the fridge, Steve. [Imitating Steve] I only see watery-ass Kroger, where's the Mott's? [Imitating Francine] They taste the same. [Imitating Steve] HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIIIIIIND?!
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, let's put your lips together for our MOMENT OF SILENCE.
Hayley: It's gonna go off when the meter reaches zero. We can't let the crowd get quiet.
Stan: Come on, make some noise!
Hayley: Johnny Concussion was a bad guy. I said it! Now yell at me nonstop for like two minutes!
Bullock: [in the stands] You no-good...
Lewis: [also in the stands] Avery... [gestures to Bullock to be quiet and the decibel meter drops]
Stan: No! No! No!
Hayley: Say stuff. Th...th...thoughts and words.
Stan: [imitating a duck] Quack! Quack! Quack!
Hayley: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhm, Uhhhhhh, Ben is the one of the all-time greatest Bachelors, he is on the Mount Rushmore of Bachelor nation.
Stan: A...a...and in the produce section, you'll find onion, banana, blueberry, strawberry, Halle Berry... Oh, ooh! Halle Berry, Phylicia Rashad, Esta Roll, Mo'Nique, Viola Davis, Gabrielle Union, Jurnee Smollett, Regina King, Ruby Dandridge, Ruby Dee, Tia Mowry, Tamara Mowry, The Mom from Family Matters who never anticipated Urkel.
Hayley: Urkel! Urkel! Urkel! Urkel! Urkel! Urkel! Urkel! Urkel! Urkel! My first sexual dream was about Urkel, sorry Dad!
Stan: Coooooookie Crisp!
Hayley: A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P-Q-R-S... [Stan giggles]
Hayley: Dad, stay with me! We've gotta talk for another 90 seconds.
Stan: I know, it's just-it's just "L-M-N-O", that reminds me of when you were little and you thought "L-M-N-O" was one letter.
Hayley: I remember that!
Stan: And when I told you it was four letters, you thought I was the smartest man in the world. It's been a long time since you thought that about me, Angela Bassett, Cicely Tyson...
Hayley: What are you talking about? I still think you're smart. [gasps] When it's late at night and you want a tasty bite, whataya gotta pick, Hot Pockets!
Stan: I don't always feel smart, but I'm your Dad, so when we talk I feel pressure, like I am still supposed to be teaching you stuff but everything got more complicated after "L-M-N-O". And I wanna help you but I'm afraid I'm getting it wrong, or worse, you're gonna think I'm an idiot. Stacey Dash! Can't believe I almost forgot The Dash.
Hayley: You're not an idiot, Dad. I thought it was my fault we didn't talk. I always worry that you won't be interested in what I have to say. I mean, you travel the world as a spy and I live in my childhood bedroom with my husband, uuuuhhhhhh, Hattie McDaniel, Cicely Tyson...
Stan: I already said "Cicely Tyson".
Hayley: Then Kerry Washington! If we stop blaming ourselves, we'll have lots to talk about. Our shared love of black actresses and not blowing up and who needs a third thing!
Stan: And when it gets quiet between us, it doesn't mean it's somebody's fault.
Hayley: Right! It's not gonna kill us to sit in silence. [Hayley and Stan stop talking, the decibel meter plummets]
Stan and Hayley: L-M-N-O, L-M-N-O, L-M-N-O, L-M-N-O, Pam Grier! [Buzzer]
Announcer: This concludes Baby Bel's Moment of Silence.
Johnny Concussion: Here's another surprise, Johnny's got a ba-da-ba-da-da-ba.
Johnny Concussion: Johnny Concussion always gets up.

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