- Debbie: All this talk of death is making me cremate.
- Klaus: I'm running out of fish schtick.
- Debbie: You lost me at lasagna.
- Steve: I never said lasagna.
- Debbie: Well, I was thinking about it.
- Debbie: You sunk my battleship! Eight hundred souls were lost.
- Steve: Among them, Lieutenant Don Sharpe. He made it through the bulkhead before it was closed. At least half of him did.
- Debbie: God, you're tweaked.
- Steve: Take me!
- Hayley: Plus-size women drive our economy with their purchases of Garfield books and Haagen-Dazs.
- Steve: Here she comes.
- Stan: (looks at Debbie through the window) Where's Debbie? Behind that fat girl?
- Steve: No, Dad, that's...
- Stan: Is the fat girl going to lead us to Debbie?
- Steve: No, that's...
- Stan: She's carrying a purse. She must have a map to Debbie in her purse.
- Steve: Dad, that's Debbie.
- Stan: To the panic room!
- Stan: That's one impressive man. Handsome, fit, the whole package.
- Roger: That's great, Stan. Can we stop staring at your reflection in the TV and turn it on now?
- Steve: Good news, everyone. I'm in love.
- Francine: Tell us about her, sweetie.
- Steve: Her name is Debbie. She smells like a glue stick, she shares my interest in bug zappers, and she likes reading old books by guys who died of syphilis.
- Francine: Syphilis? Ooh, la, la.
- Francine (about Debbie): We can't wait to meet her, Steve.
- Stan: You can say that again. It'll be nice to have a pretty girl around the house for a change. (Francine glares at him) I-I meant a pretty, younger girl. (Hayley glares at him) Don't get mad at me. It's called make-up.
- Zack: Hey, bro, I couldn't help noticing you're kind of fat and pathetic.
- Stan: And you're kind of perfect and scrumptious. What's your point?
- Stan: I shouldn't be here, Veronica.
- Veronica: Yeah, but your family will keep sending you back until they think you're getting better.
- Stan: But I don't wanna eat. I hate food!
- Veronica: Don't sweat it. I've got a few tricks I can teach you. [She pulls a sandwich out of her mouth] That's been in there for days.
- Steve: How ya doing, Dad?
- Stan: Fat and healthy, son. In a few weeks, I'll be a regular Debbie. (Steve starts crying) Steve, what's wrong? What about the word "regular" set you off? Here, have a Little Debbie. (Steve continues crying) What, now it's the word "little"? You know what? Why don't I put on some Debbie Gibson and we can talk about it?
- Hayley: We were just freezing our...
- Francine: Tampons!!
- Stan: What?
- Hayley: It's a woman thing, keeps them crisp, great in the summer.
- Francine: More refreshing than a popsicle!
- Stan: Hayley, are you wearing makeup? You look like a whore.
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