For a complete script, see: "Tears of a Clooney" on the Transcripts Wiki

Francine: What do the Coen brothers see in him?!?

Roger: That's right, foster children: hard work builds character!
Kid: Water break, boss?
Roger: Oh, honey, don't call me "boss." That makes me feel like some kind of monster. Call me "Dad."
Kid: Water break, Dad?
Roger: No.

Steve: Ladies, take a memo. Boing! Sincerely, Steve Smith. Dictated but not read.

George Clooney: Here, I got you a pipe.
Stan: Thanks, but I don't smoke pipes.
George Clooney: No one does. I'm bringing them back.

Petkov: [to Francine] The final key to Clooney is resisting his charm. Men and women alike find it irresistible and kiss his ass until they are sucked inside. But if you stay out of his ass, he will pursue you until he is all the way up yours.

Francine: Stan, what's going on?
Stan: Francine, we're here to break George Clooney's heart. This is war. And no war is won without a crack squad of murderers and thieves.
Franz: Ahem.
Stan: And rapists. Sorry, Franz.
Franz: Thank you.

Airplane Pilot: We are now beginning our descent into Prague.
Stan: And now George Clooney begins his descent into hell.
Airplane Pilot: Please put your seat-backs and tables in the upright position.
Stan: Please put George Clooney's heart in the... in the... in the sad-right... position. Should've ended with that whole descent into hell thing.

Stan: [about George Clooney] According to my intel, he starts production tomorrow on a new movie called Dr. Love. He plays a brilliant heart surgeon.
Francine: Let me guess. The only heart he can't heal is his own.
Stan: Look at that, word for word.
Francine: That knuckle-dragging son of a bitch!

Stan: Time for cake.
Klaus: I get the piece with the rose on it. I called it. You heard me.
Steve: Mom, cut me an end piece.
Hayley: How can you even think about eating that cake? Do you realize how many innocent cows were raped, or as you say, "milked," to make that cake?!
Stan: Shut up, Hayley.

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Tears of a Clooney's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.