- Francine: Enough! Now tomorrow you two are gonna spend the day together and reconnect or I am gonna lose it! [breaks wine bottle on table] So help me God I will cut your pretty faces!
- [Steve knocks a bookshelf on Stan]
- Stan: Something on your mind, champ?
- Hayley: Steve, what are you doing?
- Steve: Something we've both wanted to do for years, "sis." [tongue kisses her, as she tries to pull away]
- Roger: Oh, my God! Everything that happens from this point on is just gravy!
- Hayley: [hears laughter] What the hell! That's the burglar! Dad staged the whole thing!
- Francine: Yeah, I get it, Hayley. I'm unrape-able, not stupid.
- Stan: Before we adjourn, let's recite the NGA Oath. Hold hands. Come on, it's not gay, there's guns in the room.
- Stan: See? Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Guns defend people against people with smaller guns.
- Hayley: You're such a fascist!
- Stan: Peace pusher!
- Hayley: Murderer!
- Stan: Hermaphrodite!
- Hayley: NGA Land? A gun park?!
- Stan: Yeah, Sugar Mountain closed down years ago. This is basically the same thing, except instead of riding a choo-choo through Fairy Book Land, you'll ride a bullet through a mugger's chest.
- Klaus: [after Francine smashes a wine bottle] Ugh, that's the worst thing to happen to wine since the movie Sideways. That's right, America. Come get me!
- Roger: What the... Hey, that was my cookie!
- Steve: You snooze, you lose.
- Roger: "You snooze, you lose," huh? Hmm, okay. Eat up. [narrows his eyes] Eat... up.
- Terry: Our top story, a car was broken into Cherry Street this afternoon. My car. The suspect was 6"2 and a bastard!
- Roger: Hey, you're in my seat.
- Hayley: Sorry. Early bird gets the worm.
- Roger: "Early bird gets the worm," huh? Huh. Enjoy the seat. Enjoy...the seat.
- Hayley: I'm such a hypocrite!
- Francine: Honey, he was robbing us. And he was gonna force himself on me.
- Hayley: He said that?
- Francine: Well, no, but I assume. [Hayley glares] What? You think I'm not attractive enough? That...That what? That he's just skip me and go straight to you? Well, aren't we conceited?
- Hayley: But you were paralyzed by a gun.
- Stan: No, I was paralyzed by you. Look, I'm not going to point fingers here, because I can't. Because of you.
- Francine: The point is, there was a time when you two weren't always fighting.
- Hayley: That was before I knew dad was a gun-toting maniac.
- Stan: Beatnik!
- Hayley: Warmonger!
- Stan: Chupacabra!
- Hayley: I'm the Mexican bigfoot?
- Stan: You heard her. She admitted it!
- Roger: I'm gonna make you cry and dip my cookie in your tears.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Stannie Get Your Gun's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| American Dad Season 1 | Season 2 >> | ||||||||||
| #01 | Pilot (American Dad!) | #09 | A Smith In The Hand | #17 | Rough Trade | ||||||
| #02 | Threat Levels | #10 | All About Steve | #18 | Finances With Wolves | ||||||
| #03 | Stan Knows Best | #11 | Con Heir | #19 | It's Good to Be the Queen | ||||||
| #04 | Francine's Flashback | #12 | Stan of Arabia: Part 1 | #20 | Roger 'n' Me | ||||||
| #05 | Roger Codger | #13 | Stan of Arabia: Part 2 | #21 | Helping Handis | ||||||
| #06 | Homeland Insecurity | #14 | Stannie Get Your Gun | #22 | With Friends Like Steve's | ||||||
| #07 | Deacon Stan, Jesus Man | #15 | Star Trek | #23 | Tears of a Clooney | ||||||
| #08 | Bullocks To Stan | #16 | Not Particularly Desperate Housewives |
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