For a complete script, see: "Stan's Night Out" on the Transcripts Wiki

Stan: Go Biscuit! [the dog hits the wall] Okay, go Cheesers! [mouse runs away] Coward! I gave you everything!

Saunders: Hey, come on! Dick! Don't! Dick. Come on Dick. Why are you doing this Dick? This isn't you. I want the old Dick back. I don't want bad new Dick. I want good old Dick. Give me the Dick I'm used to. Give me the Dick I love.

Bernie: Hello, line one, your on with Bernie.
Stan: You son of a bitch I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna finish this meatloaf, get on a plane to Toronto and shoot you in your lying face.

[Roger opens his legs]
Hayley: Roger did you paint that on?
Roger: Yes, aroused? Well it's not for you!

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