Stan: Francine, my mother is not manipulating me. Our relationship is completely normal. And if you keep upsetting me, then I'll have to retreat to my safe place between her breasts.
Stan: Francine, my mother's very vulnerable right now. Every guy she goes out with dumps her on the third date, and why wouldn't they? She's all dried up. Her uterus is an abandoned theater. Nothing in there but old playbills and memories. Some say there's a phantom that only comes out at night. [Stan's mom starts crying] Don't be scared. It's just a legend.
Klaus: [on the phone, ordering a hooker] Yes, about 6 foot, blond, stacked, not afraid to get down with a fish. Oh, and this is very important; she must be 9 months pregnant. [click] Hello?
Stan: Horny, I'm home! I mean, honey, I'm horny! I mean, Francine, I'm horny!
Francine: Oh, Stan, I missed you!
Stan: And I'm horny.
Francine: Oh Stan, don't ever put your bike on the front of the bus.
Stan: Don't worry, the bus is for foreigners.
Roger: [shoves a whole banana inside his mouth] Oh, I wasn't making a point, but I was just low on potassium.
Stan: Francine, let me explain. [crying] SHE'S MY MOMMY!!
Stan: Momma's new boyfriend just left her! Can you imagine?
Francine: Yes, because it happens like three times a year, three being the average! Steve taught me averages with cupcakes.
Hayley: Fish can't get herpes, can they?
Stan: All right, what's the fastest way to the airport?
Francine: Should I take the freeway, or should I take surface streets?
Stan: Surface streets or freeway?
Stan/Francine: Surface streets or freeway? Surface streets or freeway?