- Stan: I'm upstairs trying to do our taxes, and Steve's abusing the hose.
- Francine: Oh. That's embarrassing. Did you walk in on him?
- Stan: What?
- Francine: You caught him playing with himself?
- Stan: Dammit, woman! You always jump to that! Last time, it was when I said he's doing his homework.
- Francine: I thought you said "bonework".
- Stan: When I turned 14, I took fiduciary responsibility for my mother's 401K. We discussed it over Italian food. I had my first espresso, it kept me up all night. I fell asleep at dawn for five minutes and had a stress dream about the house burning down. Pretty good birthday.
- Steve: What's wrong with Dad?
- Francine: He's just tired, honey.
- Roger: Yeah, being crazy is very tiring.
- Stan: [to himself] You can do this. Just keep your head down, and pretend that your sphincter has teeth.
- Stan: Put down those papers. Look out back.
- Steve: What is it?
- Stan: It's a "Slip 'N Slide", son. And I want you to play on it... for as long as you want. [He picks Steve up and tosses him on the slide]
- Steve: No! No! No... Ohhh.... yeah!
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