American Dad Wikia
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Klaus: I finally did it! I've made my decision about whether to stay or go. It took a lot of soul-searching, but in the end...
All: Shut up, Klaus!
Roger: Punt!

Steve: Check it out! I got full blueprints of our house for my project! The Junior Architects Society is not gonna know what hit 'em!
Klaus: Are you allergic to vaginas, Steve?

Roger: My wine fridge! I had my cocaine in there!!

Toughluck
[Stan, Hayley, Jeff and Klaus are trapped in the attic, which is rapidly flooding]
Stan: [tries to push the attic hatch open] It's jammed!
Klaus: Hah! Tables have turned, bitches! This whole house is going to flood! Tough luck for you dicks who don't have gills! I guess it's my house now. And I can go wherever I want!! Hahahahaha!! See you never, GOLDFUCKERS! [Jumps out of his fish bowl and into the water] AHH! This is saltwater! It burns!! Put me back! Put me back!! [Hayley comes over and puts Klaus back in his fish bowl] So... A lot of funny jokes just happened now... Ya-hah?

[Steve, Roger and Francine hear knocking coming from the house attic]
Francine: That must be the others in the attic, we have to help them!
Steve: [looks at the house blueprints, then notices the stairway] Hmm. Looks like we can use this vertical access shaft to get down there.
Francine: Those are the stairs, Steve. We need to make some kind of rope, maybe out of curtains.
Roger: As if! You think I'm gonna risk my neck for Stan after what he did to my wine fridge? No way!
Francine But... what about your wigs? They're all in the attic!
Roger: [gasps with horror] Get outta my way, I'll kill you!! [Roger runs in Francine's direction. Francine moves out of the way, causing Roger to fall down the stairway] Franny... We need to make... some kind of rope. Perhaps... out of curtains.

[The water flooding the attic is continuing to rise. Jeff is crying]
Jeff: Ah, I'm not gonna make it babe. I want you to take my hacky sack and give it to our grandchildren.
Hayley: Jeff, we don't even have kids!
Jeff: I know. That's why I also want you to take this folded up candy wrapper. [Jeff hands Hayley a folded up wrapper] Don't ask me how I did it. Just take it and start our family.

Jeff: That shark's in here, man!
Roger: If they're really attracted to blood, then it's in my room attacking the boxers I wore the day Francine made tacos.

Roger's Date: We're gonna have lots of babies!
Roger: [pushing the girl's head into the water] No no no no no no no no.

[Stan, Steve and Francine are traveling through the flooded house. An echoed moan is heard]
Stan: It's the ghost of Hayley risen up from the depths of Hell. She has unfinished business with me! LEAVE ME BE, SPECTER!
Francine: No, she's alive! Why would you assume she went to Hell?

[Francine searches Steve's bedroom for Hayley and notices the porn magazines on his mattress]
Francine: What's on the bottom of your mattress, Steve? So many of the girls are Asian. And pregnant...
Steve: She's not in here, we should keep moving.

Steve: [takes out the house blueprints] Okay, according to the blueprints- [the shark suddenly comes up the stairway at the blueprints and eats them] It's hungry for flesh AND knowledge!!

Steve: I don't wanna die yet! I haven't experienced the disappointment of being in a monogamous sexual relationship!

Stan: [sighs] What a day.
Cleveland: [off-screen] Tell me about it. I don't even know where the hell I am. [he walks towards Stan]
Stan: [takes out a gun] Looter!
Cleveland: [also takes out a gun] Self-defense!
[two guns are heard cocking and the camera whip pans right to reveal Peter Griffin]
Peter: A black and a white talkin' as if it's normal! [he walks toward Stan and Cleveland]
Cleveland: Peter, what are you doin'? You know me!
Peter: Everybody shut up and let me think! Just let me think!!
Francine: [walking out the door] Stan, have you... [Stan fires his pistol and Francine falls down]
Peter: [laughs] Oh man... classic American Dad!.

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