For a complete script, see: "Finances With Wolves" on the Transcripts Wiki

Steve: [sigh] And we widen to reveal...
Stan: Look at all this cool stuff! A glow-in-the-dark rake, a money suit, a giant Flavor Flav clock and this robot frog that does amazing things when you speak Taiwanese.

Steve: You gonna use your diaper? I'm kinda floating over here.
Barry: Sure, let me jus... Aiiee! Sorry, ocupado.

Stan: Good morning, Francine.
Francine: I'm late, so don't ask me to make you breakfast.
Stan: I don't need you to make me breakfast; all I need is my clock and my rocket boot. What time is it? [puts on a top hat with sunglasses] Time to kick it!

Stan: Dammit! I have to stop Klaus.

Greg: Well, another successful trip to Brad's Cactus Shack.
Terry: Oh, can't you believe they were just giving away free razor blades?
Greg: I'll turn on our lemon juice waterfall.
Stan: Ow! Ooh! Aaaaaargh!

Klaus: Ja, now I know why they say, "Once you've been black, there's no going back".

Stan: Ah, here we are. Mac 'n' cheese. Boil water? What am I, a chemist?

Klaus: Francine, I'd buy you ten kiosks if I still had my human body. I'd do lots of things if I had a human body because, you know, I'd have a penis.
Francine: Klaus, you know I don't like that type of language. Put a quarter in the "penis" jar.

Arboreus: I was born a tree trapped in a man's body, but I'm fixing that; I've already had the chlorophyll injections, and I found a surgeon in Sweden who's agreed to replace my testes with acorns.
Hayley: Wow! You're hardcore.

Stan: So, I thought the rest of my bonus money should be put aside for my son's education. Then I thought rocket boots!
Salesman: A wise decision.

Francine: Here's your $5,000 back.
Stan: You made all this in one day?
Francine: That's right; I did. Through hard work and giving people incorrect change.

Barry: [To Steve] You like that, don't you, bitch? [Pause] That's what my mom says to my dad.

Steve: My only regret is I'll never know the sweet, silky tingle of real boob.

Roger: [After Felicity escapes] Oh, God, now I have a teenage runaway. I'll never get over this! [Sees rattlesnake] Well, hello there, Mr. Noisy-Tush.

Hayley: Arboreus?
Francine/Klaus/Stan: Hayley?
Hayley: Klaus?
[Cut to forest]
Steve: Barry. Toshi. Snot.

Miss Piggy: Barry! Yoo-hoo!
Barry: No, m'lady. Tis not my time, yet.

Stan: For the second time in my life, I was saved by hip hop, but that's another story.

Arboreus: I've been de-potted! I can't breathe!

Previous Episode's Quotes /// Finances With Wolves's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.