Barry: Aren't you nervous to find out what you got on the history midterm?
Steve: [chuckles] I'm nervous about the time that "Cap'n Crunch" box turned me on.
Snot: [in a low voice, slowly] Are you okay, Steve? You don't look so hot.
Barry: Why are you talking like that?
Snot: Too much Zoloft... and I'm still so sad.
Mr. Herschel: Look, this vape pen isn't gonna smoke itself behind the gym. The "F" stands.
Steve: F? F? F? F? F?! F?! F?! F?!
Toshi: [in Japanese] He's gonna lose his shit!
[Steve starts screaming]
Barry: Don't worry, Barry know what to do! [He grabs Snot's Zoloft, tackles Steve and dumps several pills in his mouth]
Steve: [slowly] Now it's just gonna take me longer to finish freaking out.
Stan: One bad grade's not the end of the world. Look at your mother! She's got a great life, lives in a nice big house, and she had nothing but D's.
Francine: Yeah, Double-D's.
Stan: Our greatest fear has come true.
Francine: Candyman has escaped the world of the movies and entered ours?!
Stan: Okay, my greatest fear has come true. Grades are all Steve has. If he loses that, what'll he have left? His dead-on Paul Hogan impression? Sure, it kills now, but how much longer is that gonna be relevant?
Klaus: What the hell?! I'm doing a thing in here!
Hayley: It's my room! Why are you even...
Klaus: Get out!!
Hayley: MY room, Klaus!
[Klaus and Hayley scream]
Stan: It's a good thing Gene Siskel was murdered by pirates, 'cause this would have killed him.
Stan: Steve, meet the new star of your history project; The Rock's friend Vin Diesel, still technically, a star.
Vin Diesel: Uh, we're not actually friends, although we do own a couple Long John Silver's together. But that's not important. What's important is, this deathly ill kid has a dream, and I'm gonna make it come true.
Steve: You told him I'm a Make-A-Wish kid, didn't you?
Stan: Am I that far off, Steve?
Stan: [reviewing Steve's script] This still doesn't feel like a guaranteed "A". Atlantic Ocean? Pacific's bigger. Steve's teacher will find that much more impressive.
Steve: I think maybe he'll care a little bit more about historical accuracy.
Stan: Uh... if I didn't care about historical accuracy, would I have stolen the actual Spirit of St. Louis from the Smithsonian?
Stan: The toughest part was convincing the guard I came in with it.
Vin Diesel: Hey man, this is for a sick kid. Couldn't you be a little flexible?
Roger: Oh, so you think you can crap all over us below-the-line people just because you're the big star? How dare you! I'm gonna eat lunch in your trailer, in your bed! Please join me! I know I sound angry, but please come! My God, you're ripped.
Stan: Looks like white men can jump.
Stan: It's a famous novel, Steve.
Steve: Oh, my God! The Eiffel Tower! I did make it to Paris! [as Paul Hogan] Wanna bring us in for a landing, mate?
Stan: Heh! Still got it. But, actually, son, I realize now that this is something I have to let you do on your own.
Steve: What?! No, wait! I don't know how to land a plane!
Stan: White men can jump!
Stan: Tell you what, son. From now on, I'm gonna let you do things for yourself. But if you ever do want my help, all you have to do is ask.
Steve: Maybe you can help me with my flight suit. I really did a number on this thing bailing out of that plane. A number 5. That's two number 2s and a number 1.
Stan: That sounds like the kind of help a mother might give.