To start a complete script, see: "Family Plan" on the Transcripts Wiki

Francine: When you're family, you connect on a whole other level. You guys wouldn't understand.
Steve: We HAVE a family... THIS one!

Nicholas: And these must be my granddaughters.
Francine: Um, yes, yes, they are.
Steve: Mom!
Francine: Just go with it.

[After learning that Cassandra committed suicide]
Steve: Momma, the man said someone died upstairs. What if I see a g-g-g-ghost?
Francine: I don't know Steve, you'll probably p-p-p-piss your pants.

Klaus: For us Germans, families are like areolas; the bigger the better.

Francine: [To Stan] Dry those bitch tears and tongue kiss me you big galoot.

Roger: None of my personas are family.

Hayley: So you're the cat, huh?
Roger: Meow.
Hayley: God bless ya, you commit.

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