American Dad Wikia
Roger: Snow globe! [shakes Klaus' fishbowl vigorously]
Klaus: No! Nooooo!

Stan: What? I eat here every day before I go home because I can't stand my wife's cooking. What, you never lie to your wife?
Waitress: Sir, I'm a woman.
Stan: Of course. I should have noticed you are clearly pregnant.
Waitress: No, I'm not.
Stan: Of course you're not, you're far too old to be pregnant.
Waitress: I'm twenty-three.
Stan: Well, I would apologize to you if you didn't look like a fat old man.

Steve: I'm still hiding my new girlfriend from my mom and dad.
Klaus: Uh-oh.
Roger: That's normal, a teenager embarrassed of his parents.
Steve: It's more than that. I've actually been pretending my neighbors Greg and Terry are my parents.
Roger: Yes, I know them. I painted them.

Roger: How many times have you been playing with yourself a day?
Steve: Three.
Roger: We're gonna up that to five. [He scribbles on a clipboard] You can take this prescription to any room in the house with Kleenex and have it filled.

Francine: Stop talking fish.

Klaus: If you can't find me, check the pantry. I go in there to eat baking chocolate and cry sometimes.

Klaus: He hasn't eaten a meal of yours in ten years! Some of these wolves are fourth generation.
Steve: Inbred dinner wolves?! This is what I'm talking about! Embarrassing!

Steve: Au revoir, les enfants! That means, "fuck you!"

Klaus: Time for Klaus to show how much of a man he really is. [after attempting to sex with the hooker as a fish, Klaus is crying] I'M NOT VERY MUCH OF A MAN!!

Roger: Hear an IED blew a troop transport over on its side yesterday?
Soldier: Yes Sarge!
Roger: On the god-dang main road! 'Till they get a boomerang anti-sniper system on that som'bitch, I'd rather drag ass through the streets on foot!

Hayley: If you even look at her, I'll pour this hot coffee down your pants, pervert!
Jeff: Yeah? Well, it'll be the first time you got me hot in a while, Frisbee whore!

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