- Father Donovan: And so we say goodbye to our dear old friend, Walter. Who was also qualified to ride a motorcycle! Amen. [bows his head in respect]
- All: Amen.
- Father Donovan: Now let's raffle off his stuff! First up... [Two church-goers push a paddle-boat into view] ...some kinda crappy little paddle-boat...
- Stan: [excitedly] Ooh, I totally want that! [puts his hands together] Dear Lord, please make my ticket the winner.
- Hayley: Oh, and now you'll win!? Even if there was a God, I doubt he'd run the universe like a vending machine, where you put in a prayer and out pops...
- Father Donovan: [reads out ticket] 641.
- Stan: Yes! Thank you, Jesus! [to Hayley] God is my co-pilot and the virgin Mary is my hot stewardess. Ding! More nuts, Mary!
- Stan: But I...I gotta have friends! Even child molesters have friends! I mean they're usually other child molesters, but, y'know, they go to lunch and stuff.
- Steve: You spent all your money trying to win a hat with antlers?
- Roger: [furiously] I do not choose to discuss it!
- Stan: Dear Lord, if you're not too busy giving the guys at McDonald's new sandwich ideas, I wanted to ask you something.
- [Steve is being taken by Icepick through the crack dealers' hideout. He notices a junkie in convulsion on the floor]
- Steve: Is he fighting invisible dementors?
- Icepick: Shut up! [Pushes Steve through a doorway into a crack lab]
- Steve: Potions class! Did you get all this stuff from Professor Snape?
- Icepick: [furiously] You do not freakin' ask who we got this from!!
- Steve: [gasps] He Who Shall Not Be Named!
- Icepick: This is Hoppy. He knows what to do.
- Steve: My potions partner. You're my Ron Weasley!
- Hoppy: Lávate las manos.
- Steve: Is that a spell?
- Hoppy: Lávate las manos!
- Steve: Lávate las manos.
- Hoppy: Lávate las manos!!
- Steve: Lávate las manos!
- Hoppy: LAVATE LAS MANOS!!!
- Steve: LAVATE LAS MANOS!!!
- [Stan and Brett are standing on a beach shore, looking out to the ocean]
- Stan: [Inhales deeply] Breathe it in. Just smell it! This rotting whale proves that God exists! [Camera pans out to reveal the two are standing by the decaying corpse of a washed-up whale] For even in death it provides sustenance for the Lord's other creatures. And a pretend jail for me! [Gets behinds the whale's ribs and presses his face between them like prison bars] Let me outta here! [Picks up a squid-like organ] Squidface does horrible things to me after lights out! Unspeakable things!
- Roger: You would be pissed if I forgot to give you this magic wand. [Holds out one of his chopsticks to Steve]
- Steve: Wow! It's so light! [Waves the chopstick lightly through the air] I can't tell if I'm leading it or it's leading me! [Notices the other chopstick] Cool! Is that another one?
- Roger: No, that's a chopstick.
- Roger: Oh God! I pooed!
Previous Episode's Quotes /// Dope & Faith's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| << Season 2 | American Dad Season 3 | Season 4 >> | ||||||
| #01 | The Vacation Goo | #07 | Surro-Gate | #13 | Red October Sky | |||
| #02 | Meter Made | #08 | The Most Adequate Christmas Ever | #14 | Office Spaceman | |||
| #03 | Dope & Faith | #09 | Frannie 911 | #15 | Stanny Slickers 2: The Legend of Ollie's Gold | |||
| #04 | Big Trouble in Little Langley | #10 | Tearjerker | #16 | Spring Break-Up | |||
| #05 | Haylias | #11 | Oedipal Panties | |||||
| #06 | 42-Year-Old Virgin | #12 | Widowmaker | |||||