For a complete script, see: "Big Trouble in Little Langley" on the Transcripts Wiki

Klaus: Stan these people are monsters. You know what my country's done and even I find this repulsive.

Stan: Why did you cut Francine out of the will and leave everything to Gwen?
Mr. Ling: Because Gwen is moron. She needs lots of help. She fail math in school! Imagine a Chinese girl can't do math?
Stan: It's embarrassing when children don't adhere to stereotypes.
Mr. Ling: Francine is our smart daughter. We never have to worry about her...and she married OK.

[Stan is taking down the ducks that Mah Mah and Bah Bah left up]
Stan: Duck. Duck. Duck. Goose! [Stan runs around the coffee table giggling, then stops] God, that was deeply programmed.

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