American Stepdad/Quotes

{{EpisodeTabs/Quotes
|title = American Stepdad
|prev_ep = Can I Be Frank (With You)
|next_ep = Why Can't We Be Friends?
|contents = ''For a complete script, see: "[https://transcripts.fandom.com/wiki/American_Stepdad American Stepdad]" on the Transcripts Wiki''
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[[File:Spitpotato.png|right|300px]]
:''[Roger, Stan, Betty and Francine all hold hands]''
:'''Roger''': God, are you there? It's me, Tom Yabo. ''[closes his eyes]'' I just wanna say thank you for sending me such an amazing woman and unbelievably generous lover. I mean, her giving to receiving ratio is like 3-1 minimum. Amen. So, Stan, how was work today?
:''[Betty hands him sweet potatoes]''
:'''Stan''': Fine.
:'''Betty''': Stan, you speak up and look at Tom when he asks you a question.
:'''Stan''': ''[louder]'' It was fine, okay?! ''[spits out his sweet potatoes]''
:'''Betty''': Stan, Tom worked really hard on this meal.
:'''Stan''': Well, it's gross and I don't like it.
:'''Roger''': Come on, champ. Give it another try.
:'''Stan''': SHUT UP, YOU'RE NOT MY DAD! ''[knocks over the table and walks out]''
:'''Betty''': Stan!
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:'''Betty''': Stan, I'm able to live on my own. This is all so necessary.
:'''Stan''': No mom, the Golden Globes are unnecessary. Chelsea Handler's career is unnecessary. Tucson, Arizona? Unnecessary.
:''[cut to a shot of Tucson, Arizona]''
:'''Voice-Over''': Congratualtions, Tucson! You've been dadded!
:''[the word "Dadded" is then stamped]''
:'''Voice-Over''': Nobody's safe.
----
:'''Roger''': Do think things between us will go back to the way they usually are next week?
:'''Stan''': I sure hope so.
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:'''Stan''': Let me break it down for you son; family is your siblings, your kids, or most importantly people who you have physically been inside, sexually or as a fetus.
}}

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