- [Roger enters the kitchen carrying an octopus, an abacus, and a hair dryer. Steve enters carrying a guitar.]
- Roger: Your thing looks more interesting.
- Steve: Out of my way! I have band practice.
- Roger: Ooo, do you think...
- Steve: No.
- Roger: But I could...
- Steve: No.
- Klaus: Ooo, he shut you down! What are you gonna do, cry?
- Roger: No, I'm gonna walk outta here, 'cause I have legs.
- Stan: My holiday cele-bear-tions! A different handmade bear for every holiday. Look at him. How cute is he? Go on, tell him you don't love him.
- Francine: He's cute, but I still have a problem with the name. "Cele-bear-tion." It sounds like a cross between "celibate" and "abortion."
- Stan: [sighs] I told you, Francine. I heard your note, I considered it, and I don't agree.
- Steve: Jerry, what are you doing?
- Jerry: Nothing, man.
- Barry: We told you, no drugs!
- Jerry: And I told you, if I was responsible, I wouldn't be in a band with a bunch of 14-year-olds.
- Stan: No daughter of mine is dating an illegal alien. You're dead to me.
- [Stan rips the front pocket of his jacket. Paco runs over to one of his bears, pulls out a needle, and quickly fixes his pocket]
- Stan: Wow! "Paco" must be Mexican for "lightning hands". How'd you like to come work for me? I'll pay you two dollars an hour and all the Mr. Pibb you can drink. Maximum two a day.
- Applicant: At Best Buy, we had a slushie machine.
- Stan: WHY DON'T YOU JUST MARRY BEST BUY IF YOU LOVE IT SO MUCH??!!
- [Snot, Barry, and Toshi vote to make Roger the band's new drummer]
- Toshi: [to Akiko, in Japanese] Maybe if you'd shown some leg, malt liquor wouldn't have shone so bright.
- Stan: You heartless bitch! I'm kidding.
- [Roger plays the drums in rhythm]
- Roger: Ladies and Gentlemen, Imma tell you 'bout a little place I know. Little place called London Bridge... IT'S FALLING DOWN!!!
- Francine: Stan, what are you doing? You're supposed to be at the warehouse.
- Stan: The INS was waiting for us, so I lied and said the Mexicans were in Steve's band. And now I don't know how we're gonna get out of here, and... wait, what are you doing here?
- Francine: I dunno. I usually just do what you do.
Previous Episode's Quotes /// American Dream Factory's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes