- Stan: They? Who’s they? The smut peddling flag burners, or the God killing tree huggers?
- Steve: [Echoing within the drop pit] Tree huggers, I think.
- Stan: Well, it’s clear what must be done. We have to burn this school to the ground.
- Steve: ...I talk a big game, but I actually know very little about sex.
- Stan: You don't need to know. That's the beautiful mystery of sex.
- Steve: Well, I guess not. But...
- Stan: See, if I tell you about it, it won't be a mystery. It will just be a fact. An ugly, moist fact, squatting on your brain like an octopus. And, you don't want an octopus squatting on your brain, do you, son?
- Steve: No.
- Stan: And that's where babies come from.
- Steve: So you're saying I should never, ever have sex before marriage?
- Stan: That's right, or angels will kill you. Good night!
- Stan: [to his lighter] Soon my pet, soon I will feed you the world...
- Francine: What's going on?
- Stan: Steve fell off the ladder, he's dead inside, we're gonna go save America.
- Announcer: Hi there, sinners. It's time for The Gentle Bearded Christians' Sing Along Hour.
- Roger: Oh what fresh hell is this?
- Steve: Dad! There you are.
- Stan: Of course I'm here. Where else would I be? Alone? Touching myself?
- Steve: Yeah, right. Only perverts and democrats do that.
- Stan: [laughing] Well said, soldier.
- [Hayley and Roger are fighting]
- Stan: Hayley, what the hell's wrong with you? Finish him!
- Francine: No, I just cleaned this carpet!
Previous Episode's Quotes /// A Smith In The Hand's Quotes \\\ Next Episode's Quotes
| American Dad Season 1 | Season 2 >> | ||||||||||
| #01 | Pilot (American Dad!) | #09 | A Smith In The Hand | #17 | Rough Trade | ||||||
| #02 | Threat Levels | #10 | All About Steve | #18 | Finances With Wolves | ||||||
| #03 | Stan Knows Best | #11 | Con Heir | #19 | It's Good to Be the Queen | ||||||
| #04 | Francine's Flashback | #12 | Stan of Arabia: Part 1 | #20 | Roger 'n' Me | ||||||
| #05 | Roger Codger | #13 | Stan of Arabia: Part 2 | #21 | Helping Handis | ||||||
| #06 | Homeland Insecurity | #14 | Stannie Get Your Gun | #22 | With Friends Like Steve's | ||||||
| #07 | Deacon Stan, Jesus Man | #15 | Star Trek | #23 | Tears of a Clooney | ||||||
| #08 | Bullocks To Stan | #16 | Not Particularly Desperate Housewives |
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