For a complete script, see: "A Jones for a Smith" on the Transcripts Wiki
- Crackhead Booboo: Hey!, As long as you're giving out crack, how 'bout you throw a little ding-a-dong ding ding ol' Crackhead Booboo's way?
- Dealer: Not now, Mom, I'm working.
- Officer Figpucker: I'm afraid that was an illegal U-turn, ma'am
- Francine: Oh come on, I live right there. Can't you just give me a break, pig-fucker?
- Figpucker: That is not my name, ma'am.
- Roger/Fantasia Lopez: I'm gonna keep swinging my baby lasso 'til I catch me a man.
- Steve: I will hate you until the day I die.
- [After Stan leaves rehab]
- Hayley: Mom, while we're here, I really think I should check myself in for my pot problem.
- Francine: Just stop it, Hayley.
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