For a complete script, see: "42-Year-Old Virgin" on the Transcripts Wiki
- Stan: There was a Space War?
- Roger: Space War?! No no. I fought in the Viet Cong in the late sixties. I've told you that story, right? Well the end of it is we won.
- Roger: Wow he is rough on you. He is elephant-making-love-to-a-cat rough on you.
- Francine: [lays on the bed, posing] Hey killer, how was the kill? You need to wash the blood off your hands? Or better yet, don't.
- Stan: Well... I didn't actually kill anyone. I tri...
- Francine: [Hastily, crawling into bed] Ya know I'm tired, I have a headache, I've got a lot of work to do, my back hurts, it's that time of the month, I have an early meeting.
- Stan: I need a ticket quickly! MY SON IS ABOUT TO BE MOLESTED!
- Ticket Man: $65.
- Stan: What? That's outrageous!
- Ticket Man: You can get a ticket for half price with an aluminum can. [Stan runs away and drives to the store and buys a soda; he drives back]
- Stan: Hi, I hope my son is still about to be molested because I need a half price ticket.
- Ticket Man: It needs to be empty. [Stan chugs the soda]
- Stan: Polar bears... shouldn't give this... to their babies!
- [Stan enters the water park, his partners get to the gate]
- Bad Larry: Make a path! [a security guard stops them; they pull out their badges] CIA. [he lets them pass]
- Stan: That bums me out.
- Bad Larry: I'm glad to be yor first. And I...shall become...more powerful...than you could possibly imagine. [dies]
- Stan: What did he mean by that?
- Roger: Eh, who cares, he's dead.
- Stan: You told them I’m a killing virgin?
- Roger: Stan, come on, I’m a gossip. I reveal people’s darkest secrets so I can seem momentarily interesting.
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