Juan 'Johnny Concussion' Consuelo

Juan 'Johnny Concussion' Consuelo is the star quarterback for The Langley Falls Bazooka Sharks. He takes his nickname from his ability to marginally bounce back from the many concussions he has received playing arena football.

During the championship game between the Bazooka Sharks and the Aberdeen Pizza Rockets in "Bazooka Steve", Stan speculates that he may be the greatest arena football player of all-time, but for no one keeping records. When he suffers yet another one of his concussions to Steve's horror, he manages yet again to get to his feet. But when Steve finds him on the concourse while getting a snack. he convinces him to give up football and sends him out the door of the arena, which allows his backup, Donny Forfeit, to give away the game.

During an interview, he reveals enough clues for Francine to figure out who caused the loss and identifies him to the entire town. He becomes a pariah and is chased out of town where he takes refuge on a tropical island. During a break from their tedious work, an impromptu sporting events of rolling boulders breaks out and he finds himself cheering for the local player, realizing that people use sports to break up the tedium in the lives. He returns and convinces Johnny to play again for the Sharks.

By the start of opening season in "The Long Bomb", Johnny has died. Thieves crack the owner's safe where it turns out they were after the final game jersey worn by Johnny. Dismissing the idea of selling it, the leader puts in on and reveals himself to actually be Johnny, out to get revenge for almost getting kicked off the team due to brain damage. He flees, heading toward the roof with Stan in pursuit. Tossing footballs kept as trophies, Stan catches them and goes back to fire a deep one to Johnny, who tries to fly away with a hang glider, but Stan's football toss knock him off as he falls to crush the roof of a car. Standing above, Stan and Hayley observe the beginning of a memorial celebration for Johnny and realize that his 'ashes' are a bomb on the field. Despairing of reaching the field in time, Sky Crooner arrives and drops them down via his bungee cords. They find that the bomb is hooked to a decibel meter, set to go off as the crowd has a moment of silence, they desperately resort to random talking to keep the noise up, revealing personal feeling and details. They succeed, but are beaten up following the moment of silence for failing to show the proper respect. As the camera pans in on Johnny's body, his eyes open and he remarks that he always gets up.

Johnny is voiced by Diedrich Bader.